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alive

 


i am alive again

heart beating in strange rhythms

electric company and laws of attraction

i am aware now

of feelings once carved away

of magnetism and ancient laws


i want everything, so i must choose

options weighted towards the pull

of currents pure and true

camaraderie and making

time well spent together, speechless

drawn towards staying, but going instead

finding fences with my eyes closed


it is ok to want, it must be

to be seen and to be held

in caring arms without malice

while fire burns, steady and warm

together in the ways that are possible

it is enough to feel the eyes of another

with wings and joy and recognition

in moments spared between everything

to be seen and met with gladness

an oasis on a dying world

let the stars watch us linger

they have time enough for all


flesh creeps in and envelopes bone in feeling

cold hands in hot water flee the sensation

but it is far too late for that

the soul tastes being and is set ablaze

enthused fires dance in possibility

the future has returned

huge and radiant and full of unrequited hope

it lashes and waves and lurches and falls

fluxuation of the highest order


blinded by the breathless present, i look ahead

possibility and desire indistinguishable

foresight is a guessing game

hope held at chest level covers a bad tattoo

guessing wrong feels destructive

peace denied eternal by wolfish want

huffing and puffing, flashing canines

stretching nerves with beaming jaws

reflecting a world full of knives


i opt to be opt in

give me all you're willing, i'll give you all i can

curiosity or coincidence

my life pours out in spurts


fortified guts spill over parapets

recognition oft accompanied by terror

as if i am less than i appear to be

a waterbed disguised as the sea

seen lacking

lost wanting

better to have loved, but this isn't that

flames doused by cold reality

and i am back where i started

alone and on guard and too scared to try


i want to be possessed, to be taken and held

to be sweet purple fire on the horizon

burning close as you dare

till the embers spell your name

and the smoke sings sweet melodies

likes birds at dusk, welcoming the heavens


i want to be the sea which envelopes

to rock you in my roiling mass

liquid physicality blurring borders, sharing joy

spread thin as we can to cover more ground


i wan't to be nourishment to body and soul

a salve for the world which blisters and peels

making magic from miseries malice

absolute relief

until the sun crawls back in

and the world starts again

and again, i am alive









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